Divorce is a horrible process for anyone who is involve, whether it is the wife, husband, or children, no one enjoys divorce.
There are six stages of divorce-
1. Emotional
2. Legal
3. Economic
4. Coparental
5. Community
6. Psychic
Which stage do you think it is most harmful and toughest stage to get through?! You guessed it... Psychic!
I think that last stage, psychic stage, is the
most important stage because it can effect how the rest of the stages go in a
divorce. The psychic stage means that the divorce is final and that both
parties realize the marriage is over, but they are still in each other’s lives
whether it is for good reasons or bad reasons. Most of the time it is because
they still want to harm one another, but sometimes it is because they have
children and have to be apart of each other’s lives.
This stage is the most
detrimental stage and can be the most harmful stage if there are children
involved. This point is important because mothers and fathers need to stop
being cruel to one another no matter how hurt they are because they could ruin
their child’s relationship with the other parent. A lot of feelings are hurt
during a divorce, but mothers and fathers need to remember that it was their
decision to sign those papers not their child’s so they need to focus on an
amicable relationship for them and not for each other. The children did not want this you guys did!!! We need to be less
selfish personally and focus on bettering relationships for children who are
more important.
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
Monday, December 14, 2015
Parenting Within Families...
Mothers and Fathers need to be on the same page!! When there is a divide it is only harmful for your children because they do not learn unity. Counseling together before handling problems is a great idea for parents to do. It allows for you both to sit down and discuss what you individually think should happen, but then also come together on an agreement of what will happen.
Six Guidelines that can help parents with their Children regarding consequences-
1. Plan in Advance
2. Involve the child
3. Give If/Then and When/ Then statements
4. Logically connect consequence to the situation
5. Give choice and act
6. Let the child try again
I believe that if parents followed these guidelines that both they and the child would grow so much more. When the child is involved in the consequence they will understand more about why they are being punished or disciplined, which causes less arguments and more understanding. I think many parents think that their child does not understand what they did wrong so it is their right to discipline them so they know that what they did is wrong, but their discipline does not match the crime that they committed.
Children will be children and they will mess up, but as parents we need to unite together in order to make sure that our children grow up understanding reason and logic.
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
Six Guidelines that can help parents with their Children regarding consequences-
1. Plan in Advance
2. Involve the child
3. Give If/Then and When/ Then statements
4. Logically connect consequence to the situation
5. Give choice and act
6. Let the child try again
I believe that if parents followed these guidelines that both they and the child would grow so much more. When the child is involved in the consequence they will understand more about why they are being punished or disciplined, which causes less arguments and more understanding. I think many parents think that their child does not understand what they did wrong so it is their right to discipline them so they know that what they did is wrong, but their discipline does not match the crime that they committed.
Children will be children and they will mess up, but as parents we need to unite together in order to make sure that our children grow up understanding reason and logic.
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
How Important Are Fathers in the Family...
Fathers are key people!!! More and more studies are showing that when a father is not present within the home there are some major problems that happen. Girls are not getting that proper male attention from their fathers that they need and will them start to seek it out from other people, but inappropriately. Boys are missing that role model in the home and will turn to other bad role models to also get that male attention that they need.
Many fathers work outside the home and are already missing out on a lot during the day, but we need to remember that once we are off of work that it is family time.
Mothers can help fathers feel that attachment by showing them that they are needed by not only them, but also the children. Moms need to allow dad to have one on one time with the children so that they can create a bond and relationship that does not involve you in it. Encourage him to take the children out for personal dates or outings and make sure that he feels like you are in a partnership and not just it is your way or the highway.
As mothers we need to be patient more with the fathers of our children. We are instinctively nurturing and for them it takes awhile to develop. We get nine months of attachment so lets make sure that we give them some time to get the hang of things.
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
Many fathers work outside the home and are already missing out on a lot during the day, but we need to remember that once we are off of work that it is family time.
Mothers can help fathers feel that attachment by showing them that they are needed by not only them, but also the children. Moms need to allow dad to have one on one time with the children so that they can create a bond and relationship that does not involve you in it. Encourage him to take the children out for personal dates or outings and make sure that he feels like you are in a partnership and not just it is your way or the highway.
As mothers we need to be patient more with the fathers of our children. We are instinctively nurturing and for them it takes awhile to develop. We get nine months of attachment so lets make sure that we give them some time to get the hang of things.
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
Communication Within the Family...
COMMUNICATION IS KEY PEOPLE!!!!
There is never a moment when we are not communicating with people. YOU CANNOT NOT COMMUNICATE... Isn't that crazy!!!
There are three ways people communicate:
1. Words
2. Tone
3. Non- Verbal
We communicate the most through non verbals with people, then through tones, and then through words. Is anyone else surprised about this like I was?!?! I am a girl, I totally thought that I talked way more than anything else. If you ask my husband he says that I talk too much sometimes, but then I think about it and it makes sense. There are so many times when him and I are talking and my body just says something completely different than I do. It's like my body is telling the truth, but I am saying something else.
I wonder if this means that we should rely on our body more with people than with our words. You know the saying sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt men... This takes it to a whole other level.
I guess my only question is why do we get so upset when people offend us if we use words much less than we do non verbals? Just a food for thought. Let me know what you think!
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
There is never a moment when we are not communicating with people. YOU CANNOT NOT COMMUNICATE... Isn't that crazy!!!
There are three ways people communicate:
1. Words
2. Tone
3. Non- Verbal
We communicate the most through non verbals with people, then through tones, and then through words. Is anyone else surprised about this like I was?!?! I am a girl, I totally thought that I talked way more than anything else. If you ask my husband he says that I talk too much sometimes, but then I think about it and it makes sense. There are so many times when him and I are talking and my body just says something completely different than I do. It's like my body is telling the truth, but I am saying something else.
I wonder if this means that we should rely on our body more with people than with our words. You know the saying sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt men... This takes it to a whole other level.
I guess my only question is why do we get so upset when people offend us if we use words much less than we do non verbals? Just a food for thought. Let me know what you think!
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
Family Under Stress
Stress is a harmful thing for a family, however, with the right coping techniques we can all improve!
Three things that we need to remember when is comes to coping is-
1. We need to have the right attitude.
2. If you cope before the problem then the problem will not seem as bad.
3. Reactions and Transitions need to be handled with caution and care.
Cloe Madana wrote a book called, Sex, Love, and Violence. She discusses how to work with a family who is under stress in order to help them out of their crisis. She first starts out by figuring out what happened to cause this crisis. She gets the background information before diving in. She then asks who was hurt and why they were hurt. Many people forget that usually during a crisis all family members were hurt the degree of the hurt may differ, but it just depends on the problem. Finally she helps them to understand two main points; Evil is always stupid and when there is violence it hurts the spirit. How this is not a religious conversation, but rather a truth conversation because most of the time when there is hurt there is pain and suffering that need to be dealt with. We can have our souls hurt or the spirit of ourselves hurt without making it a religious thing.
I believe that working this a crisis with your family when done correctly only makes it stronger. We need to support and love each other so that we can all achieve and not fail one another. The stronger we are at coping through stressors the easier it is to move on and get through hard times.
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
Three things that we need to remember when is comes to coping is-
1. We need to have the right attitude.
2. If you cope before the problem then the problem will not seem as bad.
3. Reactions and Transitions need to be handled with caution and care.
Cloe Madana wrote a book called, Sex, Love, and Violence. She discusses how to work with a family who is under stress in order to help them out of their crisis. She first starts out by figuring out what happened to cause this crisis. She gets the background information before diving in. She then asks who was hurt and why they were hurt. Many people forget that usually during a crisis all family members were hurt the degree of the hurt may differ, but it just depends on the problem. Finally she helps them to understand two main points; Evil is always stupid and when there is violence it hurts the spirit. How this is not a religious conversation, but rather a truth conversation because most of the time when there is hurt there is pain and suffering that need to be dealt with. We can have our souls hurt or the spirit of ourselves hurt without making it a religious thing.
I believe that working this a crisis with your family when done correctly only makes it stronger. We need to support and love each other so that we can all achieve and not fail one another. The stronger we are at coping through stressors the easier it is to move on and get through hard times.
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
Sexual Relationships...
Let's get excited... We are talking Sexual Intimacy and Responses today!
First off we need to start off my saying that there are four stages of sexual responses. They include Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, and Resolution.
Now something that I have noticed is that men and women are very different when it comes to sexual things, especially about how they talk about sex or other things. Women are more likely to have sex when they feel safe and secure with their man, but men are more likely to have sex with their woman in order to feel safe and secure with them. See people we are definitely different! The question that comes to my mind then is how do we get on the same page? If we both need different things in order to feel safe and secure, but always want to have sex where is the solution or compromise.
I think it comes from communicating and understanding where the other person is coming from. I believe that sometimes men need to step up their game and show women that they are secure with them, but on the other hand women need to have sex with them so that they will feel secure in their relationship.
Many challenges can happen as well while being intimate with one another because our bodies are different. Our timing, hormones, and different experiences can cause for some unsatisfying encounters with one another. We need to remember that intimacy should be fun, but also about compromise. Work with one another and remember that if you really care about this person than compromising will benefit you both in the long run!
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
First off we need to start off my saying that there are four stages of sexual responses. They include Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, and Resolution.
Now something that I have noticed is that men and women are very different when it comes to sexual things, especially about how they talk about sex or other things. Women are more likely to have sex when they feel safe and secure with their man, but men are more likely to have sex with their woman in order to feel safe and secure with them. See people we are definitely different! The question that comes to my mind then is how do we get on the same page? If we both need different things in order to feel safe and secure, but always want to have sex where is the solution or compromise.
I think it comes from communicating and understanding where the other person is coming from. I believe that sometimes men need to step up their game and show women that they are secure with them, but on the other hand women need to have sex with them so that they will feel secure in their relationship.
Many challenges can happen as well while being intimate with one another because our bodies are different. Our timing, hormones, and different experiences can cause for some unsatisfying encounters with one another. We need to remember that intimacy should be fun, but also about compromise. Work with one another and remember that if you really care about this person than compromising will benefit you both in the long run!
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
Sunday, December 13, 2015
How to Avoid Harsh Adjustments When Starting a Family...
Ever wonder when problems will go away once you have children? I hate to break it to you, but sometimes that problems that you start out with just get bigger!
I created a list, however, of how you can avoid problems that come about once children come.
1. Discuss how many children that you want, what type of parent you want to be for your children, and what type of parenting style will most likely work for you. Now remember this is a conversation that should happen before children come, but sometimes people forget and need to discuss this once the first child comes. Parenting is hard and it only gets harder when two parents have two different parenting styles so make sure you communicate and work together.
2. You need to talk about what your expectations are for your children and what rules you want to set. You do not want your children learning which parent to go to for advice or things because they know the other parent will not give in. Also having two parents with two different rules or expectations will only cause more harm to your children and your relationship with your spouse so once again communicate and get on the same page!
3. Finally, MOTHERS MAKE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR HUSBANDS! Sometimes as women we think just because we have a maternal instinct that we know what is best for our children, but HELLO we can be wrong sometimes. We need to make sure that the fathers feel needed so that they do not separate themselves from both you and your children. We all need to feel needed, but we need to make sure especially that fathers have a role in their children's lives because mom is not always going to be there and dads will have to know what to do!
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
I created a list, however, of how you can avoid problems that come about once children come.
1. Discuss how many children that you want, what type of parent you want to be for your children, and what type of parenting style will most likely work for you. Now remember this is a conversation that should happen before children come, but sometimes people forget and need to discuss this once the first child comes. Parenting is hard and it only gets harder when two parents have two different parenting styles so make sure you communicate and work together.
2. You need to talk about what your expectations are for your children and what rules you want to set. You do not want your children learning which parent to go to for advice or things because they know the other parent will not give in. Also having two parents with two different rules or expectations will only cause more harm to your children and your relationship with your spouse so once again communicate and get on the same page!
3. Finally, MOTHERS MAKE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR HUSBANDS! Sometimes as women we think just because we have a maternal instinct that we know what is best for our children, but HELLO we can be wrong sometimes. We need to make sure that the fathers feel needed so that they do not separate themselves from both you and your children. We all need to feel needed, but we need to make sure especially that fathers have a role in their children's lives because mom is not always going to be there and dads will have to know what to do!
Be Kind to Others,
Gabby Smith
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